“This is a bathroom, not a peep show!" "The deed is done, mister!”

The night was young and I went to the liquor store around 5:30pm yesterday. Yes, this is indicative of the crazy adventures my flat mates Harry, Rachel, and I had last night! Rachel is the sweetest girl who always loves DRAGging us to “do weird shit.” Literally, DRAG because she is in love with drag queens. Apparently, she googled something along the lines of weird clubs to go to with drag queens and every time, CellarDoor kept popping up. She was craving to visit and Harry and I were down for anything fun.

At 6:45, we hopped on the tube, me drinking out my water bottle. CellarDoor is apparently part bar, part club, so it opened around 6pm. However, Rachel said the reviews warned against arriving past 7:30 because there would already be people there, saving their seats for the show at 9pm. We exited the tube and used google maps to run to the club. I was navigating, but I couldn’t find it. We kept circling this large building with many shops and theatres. Google said we kept passing it but I didn’t see a sign for the club. Rachel was panicking because it was 7:30 so Harry took the phone away from me, accusing me of being too drunk to find it. Five minutes later, he couldn’t find it either! Confused, we all leaned against a tree and I sat down on the curb across the street from the large building. Directly in front of us was the large building we kept circling but on our side of the street there stood what looked like a telephone booth with a bouncer standing in front of it. Harry figured it out first and pointed to the bouncer, informing us that was the club. I was so confused because it literally looked like a telephone booth and then it clicked!! THE CLUB WAS LITERALLY THROUGH A CELLAR DOOR! Until this point, this club was a source of entertainment like any other club and I was honestly only coming to appease Rachel. After this point, the club increased in coolness! We ran up to the bouncer, asking for entry. The bouncer looked us over and sadly informed us that the club was at maximum capacity. He told us to call at 8pm to see if there was an opening. Rachel looked sad, but we tried to cheer her up by saying that we could come another night?

You know that feeling when you get rejected and that makes you what it even more? That’s exactly how I felt about this club after we got turned away! I was willing to walk back over at 8pm to ask for entry again. We went across the street to a pub. I looked at my phone and it was around 7:55. I glanced out the window towards the entrance of the club and I saw a queue! With very few words to Harry and Rachel, I bolted to add myself to the end of the queue! The people in front of me were talking about the small chance they had of getting into this club since it was already full. They left to the queue, so somehow I rose to the front of the queue. I was waiting, making small talk with the bouncer and asking him about his life, when suddenly two people left! The bouncer, my new friend, was like “congrats, you can now go in” and I was like “OH MY GOSH, CAN I RUN AND GET MY FRIENDS?” He hesitated, but consented. Rachel, Harry, and I walked down the stairs through the telephone booth and entered this very small, intimate, lively room with a bar at the front. We found the only table with no chairs, but I thought who needs chairs when you can dance?

 We started dancing to normal pop music. For example, they played Bang Bang once by Jessie J, Nicki Minaj, and Ariana Grande.

Then sometime later, probably around 9, the curtain next to us opened to reveal a drag queen with blue feathered hair named Uma! She was DJ-ing right next to our table! Suddenly, the entire environment changed. The songs changed from pop to throwback old school music! For example, she played September by Earth, Wind, and Fire. There were a lot of older women there, so the older tunes definitely got them pumped because I felt the energy spike as soon as she started DJ-ing!

We took so many selfies with Uma because did I mention that Rachel is obsessed with drag queens? Well, she is.

As one does when one has had too much liquid, one goes to the bathroom. I really had to pee. So I walked two steps away from our table to the bathroom. I was standing in front of the bathroom because there was a lady in there doing her makeup. Now that I think about it, I felt like I was in the bathroom with her but I wasn’t. It feels like that because the door was see-through. I didn’t think of it for too long. I turned the door knob to the right until it wouldn’t go anymore and then I peed. After I was done washing my hands and about to unlock the door, I noticed that I could see out into the hallway. I was very confused, but I thought that the door was like FBI glass where I could see out to the hallway but no one could see in? At least that’s what I kept telling myself so that I wouldn’t panic because I might have JUST PEED WITH A SEE THROUGH DOOR. Luckily, I didn’t notice anyone walk by when I was peeing so I justified that it was all okay!

I walked back to Rachel and Harry to continue dancing. Later, Rachel was like “I need to pee.” So she walked the two steps away from our table to the bathroom. I was dancing when she hollered for me. I walked over and she was like “CASEY THIS DOOR IS SEE THROUGH!” and I was like “HUH?” so she tried to figure out how to make it not see through anymore. She tried, but she failed. She instructed me to stand in front of the door while she peed so that no one would see through it. I consented but when the next good song came on, I started dancing and stopped fully covering the door. Suddenly the same bouncer that let us in walks by, he sees me, smiles, looks behind me to see Rachel peeing, and gives me a face of horror. I was like “what?” He, appalled, says “This is a bathroom, not a peep show!” Rachel walks out of the bathroom and exclaims to the man “The deed is done, mister!” She grabs my hand and we walk back to the table to continue dancing. I bet that in that moment, the bouncer regretted letting us into the club!!

About half an hour later, we talked about leaving for another club. Before leaving, Rachel and I decided we wanted to use the bathroom again. I went over to stand in front of Rachel while she used the bathroom, but I looked at the corner of the door and discovered it was no longer see-through! Rachel figured it out! There was another metallic ring around the door knob that you needed to rotate around the door knob to make the glass opaque! Thinking back to the bouncer yelling at me, he did say something like turn the ring around the door knob, but oops, it was too late!

We just aren’t classy enough to use fancy bathrooms.

We left to dance at a gay club with great music. We danced the night away until 3:30 am and I learned that Rachel doesn’t like the song Crazy in Love by Beyoncé. After the club, Harry, being the god that he is, bought us McDonalds. We got home around 4:30 and I fell hard asleep until noon this morning!

Yeah, my flat mates are pretty cool, even though we don’t really know how to pee in fancy bathrooms and we go to McDonalds at 4:00am.